My dad unexpectedly left his earthly body in the very early morning hours of August 9, 2016. He had not been in the best health, he suffered from emphysema and had a hard time walking on a bad hip, but he wasn’t technically “sick”. As we mourned with our family, one of my daughters said to me, “We never got to say goodbye”. 

I just keep thinking about that statement. I feel blessed that I did get to see him the day before he died. I stopped by for 5 minutes to pick something up and I did take a few moments to pop my head into the living room and tell him hello. As I quickly headed to my next commitment I yelled from the back door, “Bye dad, I love you”.

But my heart aches that I didn’t give him one last hug. That I didn’t get to really tell him all of the things I wanted to tell him if I would have known he was so close to the end.

We are able to celebrate his life, he lived it well and he shared so many stories with us about his life that we have so many memories. But, I was not ready for him to go.

I told my girls that he is now in a place that he can breathe and he can walk without pain. But my heart still hurts that he is gone.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2

Another crazy school year is underway and there are so many things that I want to tell my dad. He didn’t get out to see our girls participate in their activities anymore, but we made sure we reported every detail after they were done. He was so proud of his grandkids.

My littlest will miss stealing candy from grandpa’s candy dish and spending many nights at his house instead of having to sit in the bleachers to watch her sisters’ events. 

My middle and oldest will miss telling grandpa all about their latest race or game.

We will all miss the stories of his own glory days as a Milbank Bulldog.

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You’ve all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally. 1 Corinthians 9:25

Life will never quite be the same without him here. He pushed me to push myself. He believed in me more than I believed in myself. He helped me to never settle. He helped form and shape me into the person I am today.

I miss him more than words could ever express. 

I have heard many women speak about how they have trouble understanding the love of God as a father to them because they never experienced that love from their own father. What an incredible gift I was given through my dad. If God loves me more than my dad,  I have no need to worry about life. 

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And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying…no pain. Revelation 21:4

 

4 comments on “Life Without My Dad

  • Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute to your dad. There was never a doubt as to how much he loved his family. Sending loving thoughts to all of you.

  • What a beautiful tribute to your dad, Amy. I was also raised by a very loving earthly father that I miss more than I can say. I’ve felt the same about my Heavenly Father, he must REALLY love me. I’ve prayed for your family and think often of your mom. I can’t imagine my life without Jim. ((Hugs))

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