Discovering Yourself
Every morning, for the last two weeks, I wake up and think maybe I am just dreaming. My emotions have been all over the place and I know that I am not the only one that feels this way. I could have never imagined a time that the world would be so quiet.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know that things are far from quiet in the medical world right now and politics. But it seems eerily quiet on main street, in our parks and even on our streets.
My heart is heavy for the pieces of life that have been put on hold and cancelled. Even if they are “things” and “events” we still grieve over things that are missed.
The sun is finally shining in South Dakota, and that helps a bit, last week as the snow fell, honestly, I wanted to cry. I am longing to open my windows and sit in my backyard.
I am trying to focus on all of the good things that are happening around me everyday and remembering every day is full of gifts. I am praying that after we get through this, and we will get through this, many of us will be mentally, physically and spiritually renewed from the quiet.
My family is eating so many meals together, I have time to cook again. We are not just passing by each other as we run off to activities and meetings and work. There is a puzzle on the table and we can catch up on movies.
Every morning when I wake up I spend some time in prayer, reading my Bible and my daily devotions. I am trying to quiet my heart and my mind to listen to where God could be leading me in this season.
Looking back at my prayer journal, I really started seriously praying over this pandemic on March 13, 2020. One line in my journal that I found from my morning devotions on that day was “Anxiety is God forgetting”. As I start to spiral into the “what ifs” and the sadness of the things we are missing, I try to refocus on God.
“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
I know that in the end everything is going to be o’kay. But people will get sick and people will die and life as we knew it will probably never be the same. It is my hope that it will be better.
I haven’t taken time to write for a long time. I decided to resurrect this space and journal through this time and space that seems so unreal. I will leave you with one last quote from Jeremiah. . .
“I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?”
